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Dickinson also claims that she included her full account of the assault in the first draft of her memoir, but was pressured by her publisher and by Cosby’s attorneys to remove the scene.?As for why she never went to the police, she says she was ??embarrassed and ashamed.??
When I was young, I used to give myself walking lessons. I didn’t walk like everyone else; other people seemed to glide, like TV figure skaters, and I clomped everywhere like a blind camel, constantly tripping or falling. The problem is that I was born wrong. My mother wasn’t supposed to be able to have children, and of her many attempts, I was the only one who made it. I was the boy who lived, just one that was assembled incorrectly, like a monkey trying to put together a Mr. Potato Head. I burst forth from the womb with a double hernia that meant I threw up constantly. My family nicknamed me “Baby Pukey” and my resemblance to Regan from?“The Exorcist”?became a running joke. I was a loaded weapon; all you had to do was shake me to see the devil inside.
As a kid, you deal with social ostracism in two ways. You can be like Hester and live out your days shitting in the woods, or become so desperate for attention that you’ll do anything to get loved. If you choose the latter, you become like Bette Davis in “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?,” doing your vaudeville act for anyone who bothers to remember who you are. When you’re in elementary school and having friends seems like the most important thing in the world, you always pick the latter option, and it drives you to a constant “Black Swan”-esque panic, where you start chewing your hair and counting things.